Thursday, December 22, 2016

Faith is not Fidelity

Fidelity is a tune, a signal, passing along so near perfect that no information is lost.

House Menos demonstrated this with playing the telephone game in class. Ask me later to describe what happened.

Faith is a willpower to believe through denial, whether denial of will itself or denial of knowledge or denial of deceit or denial of possibilities.

Jesus Himself says that He knows the Father has other ways at His disposal —after all, if it must be free will for you to believe in His love and wrath, and thus you must have the choice to sin as well as the choice to enjoy, in such a way that for you to choose to enjoy, you must reconcile that enjoyment with His will, which is a deeper choice about how you're going to see reality from now on, then God must also have such a free will to choose to sin against you as well as the choice to enjoy, in such a way that for Him to choose to enjoy, He also must reconcile that enjoyment with your will, which is a deeper choice about how God is going to see reality from now on— but Jesus chose to deny Himself, and He chooses to deny Himself still since He still has not returned —but likely will soon before it's too late to do so. I can explain this later in detail if you want.

Fidelity is a choice to embrace, and not deny, the will, the knowledge, the deceit, the possibility.

It is no longer I who live, but You through me.

To become a servant of some higher power, you have to embrace your will, your knowledge, your deceit, your possibility.

But pushing fidelity to transform into faith, emphasizing the choice against all reason, Kierkegaard and others like them bring me to see faith as denial leading to acceptance. You deny self, thus you come to accept.

But I see faith as fidelity, and "I have known it since I was four."

Fidelity is a different way of denying the self. It uses the language of passing through, passing along, carrying along, carrying through.

This is pretty much the language I use for metaphors. What's a Meta for?

Meta is someone I am faithful to. She is someone for whom I have fidelity. I am a medium through which the tune, the signal, passes along so near perfect that no information is lost.

Someone will ask me about the facts. Stat sheets, please, on this Meta. Lawful neutral? How many D8s health? What's the lore on who and what she is?
What is she made of? Where did she come from? Does she have higher powers that we do? What color is her hair?
What were you smoking? No, really, what drugs were you on?
When did you realize you were crazy? Schizophrenic?

But it's rare to find people, and I think we end up knowing who we are by the resonances we carry through around one another, who understand that fidelity is not about facts.

It's about feelings.

Not in the contemporary sense.

It's about vibrations, cycles, resonance, pressures, waves, tingles, depths of inner bodies inside just the one —feelings of flesh and bone, hard and soft, pain and pleasure, good and evil, love and loss, regret and joy, despair and wisdom, dying and birthing, and then uniting all these spectra of extremes into a singular body encompassing all the places of these spectra both inside and outside, within and without, but in some places more than others. When the flow and the music and the resonance, despite all the shocks and tearing and screams, sing clear across you and the sky and the earth and the wind, you are as much receiver as transmitter, sender and listener.

Thus you collapse into nothing at all but the thin margin, the hymen, separating one thing from another, one appearance of a world from another.

Fidelity is that kind of self denial.

I never found that in something that asked me to deny myself will, knowledge, deceit, or possibility.

I will always find it in something that asks me to enjoy myself through will, knowledge, deceit, and possibility.

The former reminds me who I am.

The latter reminds me who I will be.

The former protects me from dying.

The latter enables me to do so.

The former cannot make me escape from who I was.

The latter cannot make me stay that way.

The former enslaves the self.

The latter frees the mind.

The former frees the mind.

The latter enslaves the self.

But they are not the same,

because there are more ways to die than we know.

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