Wednesday, September 14, 2016

This was a task

Reconstructing memories is getting harder. It's less ab— . . .

I was on the deck and stretching. I was thinking and expanding my mind by trying to figure out what I am by how all the pieces — . . .

I was myself again, elementary school. Tiny. I feel so small. I am inside my brother's comic book. It's the one I really wanted to read. It had Shockwave fighting Megatron. I always found Shockwave more fascinating a Decepticon than Megatron. They want to win rule of the Decepticons in their war against — . . .

I am standing outside myself watching them talking. I have to be. I can't see his eyes looking into mine in my memory. I see him looking at him and he is me and I am out there watching them both, and he gives the comic book to him but then I see his eyes finally. {And he smiles and goes away, but then I see him sitting there crying, and alone, and swallowed inside a large burgundy jacket. I barely remember the dinner table later, or how these events connect, except in the pain tunnel linking them together. I had to come back and add this because this one has the words but the other one has the memories. It's complicated... Oh, right. Here comes a }— . . .

I was on the deck and trying to work out what's going on inside my head. My classes are therapeutic for me. I have never quite gone this far in terms of allowing the story to start outpacing myself. — . . .

If a child, I say to the COUNCIL, betrayed me and lied to me and another child punished me for this violently, why should any one of us trust God?

We're all just children. Nothing is older than us.

I had to sit down and type this, or else he'd forget about this.

This Graceless Planet

rebels, guns, ingenues—all diamondless coal
paranoia and pop charts, but you know how we roll
what's that, baby? yeah, I miss god too
but he's doing just fine without you

this graceless planet has accrued its debt
(and now it's time to pay it up)
this graceless planet has accrued its debt
(and now it's time to pay it up)
this graceless planet is a skull's head death
(and now it's time to pay it up)

I think he's satisfied. Are you?

No...

... not yet.

It doesn't make any sense when you/I read it later. It'll make sense when I/you read it later.

Embrace the mystery.

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