Wednesday, June 08, 2016

A Dream

Run! Run!

—she freaks out when she sees it. This thing below me was once a man. On what was once a head what was once hair now hangs like snakes as what was once eyes strike and blind like bright lightning. They all move like they have no bones. This one sways and slinks as it steps. Below, it's there on the sidewalk leading to this building. We're on the third floor looking out one of the building's windows. Louder, in my head, I hear them now. I can't cup my ears and pretend I can't. They are inside my head, already there, and louder than I have heard before.

Where do we GO!?

—down the hall I see two people not holding hands standing in the stairwell looking down, looking up. They were white, middle class people and now still talking seriously. Still dressed decently enough, but look again. Their eyes are sad, fearful, and bewildered. The heat of their hearts I no longer feel, but they still live. I know the BEAST lives inside them, turning them inside-out with fear, and soon they won't matter to me at all. They aren't even allies. They aren't even people. They are already lost, because they are just standing and indeciding in the stairwell now. Loud gurgling in all our minds . . .

"We go up. Not down. But hold up. Here, hold up. Hold. Let me do this."

—the toilets are boiling over. They are on their way. They sometimes slither up through the pipes. They don't mind dark, wet plumbing. Nobody is going to use these toilets anymore. I stand over this toilet bowl and look at the boiling, sickening scum bubbling thickly now. I dump out the last of the 8d nails into the bowl and flush. In what was once your face!

"Let's go!" —hand in hand— Let's go!

—up past the couple, we surge up the stairs. They shout up to us 'Hey!' and take it seriously. But. Up. We go up stairs. Take them two at a time, worry about calories later.

Hold on. I can't . . . I ca—

—she can't. We're going too fast up the stairs, and fear doesn't push her any faster any more. It doesn't push anyone any more. It pulls you towards what you fear. Somehow, they changed how we all work. Somehow, they made all this happen, because they made the BEAST and believed this ending would never happen. Now, we just slow down because of the fear in our hearts. Get ready to die. We are already dead. Or, you start to live beyond fear.

"You have to."

—not really. None of us have to. But if you want to live, you have to.

Okay, okay. Just..just.. can we go one at a time?

—down below I hear the others screaming. And the screams swallow into themselves, and it sounds like water just starts flowing from out of their lungs into their mouths, not air. Endless slime and blood and water flows out from them, out from their mouths now every time they open to breathe, from their ears, from their noses, from their asses. Instantly the song fills my mind again: I have a River of Life flowing out from me / Makes the lame to walk and the blind to see. Immortal and unable to breathe. Immortal and unable to stop. Immortal and unable to die. Immortal and unable to laugh, unable to cry, unable to stop flowing, unable to speak without . . . Louder, louder, the gurgling louder, gagging me involuntarily, gagging from inside-out . . .

"Yes. No stopping. Just don't stop."

—but we will stop. We all stop. Only in this moment, in this dream, I am still going to run.         Yes, but run up—

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