Thursday, March 20, 2014


Listen. You are a great person inside, someone wonderful, but really I know the truth about you deeper than that. You see, you are a horrible person—have been from the beginning. You come from bad roots. You give off bad seed. Your fruits are all sour and worm. You know it. I know it. You also know you are capable of so much more, but because you have been bad from the beginning, you will never be able to overcome the harm and the insult on your own. You can't build a skyscraper if you're always digging down. So far as the universe is concerned, you're guilty and suspected of more. But here's what I am going to do for you, since I love you.

I killed someone innocent for you. Accept this gift. It will be good.

Who is it? Oh, don't worry. It doesn't really matter, does it? It can be anyone who dies in your place, so long as that person is better off than you are, morally speaking. It will never do to kill someone who is worse than you or same as you, because they will only be dying for themselves. Their death won't cover up your crimes and your guilt. Punishment doesn't work that way. It works this way: innocence gives cover to those who must suffer but won't.

So it still does matter? Okay then, how about this? It's my son. No, I know what you're thinking, but this is what we do around here. I assure you, I am more than capable of having a son and making this decision for him. In fact, I asked him about it, since I knew all this was going to happen. He said he'll do it. And more fact: he has already done it. He already died for you, and you're still debating whether or not I can have a son. Is that how you show gratitude? Doubting me while I'm trying to save you from your horrible, evil, corrupt, impure soul, a soul I love and want to join with me in an everlasting display of my love for contemptible things?

Look. You can trust me. Don't you know me? Well, okay, I know I'm something infinite and incapable of actually being known by you, and I know I'm the one who said that, but you know me enough, right? You read my autobiography. Some of it? I spent a lot of time putting that together, getting the people and the scenes just right, just right. I would appreciate it if you looked better and more closely at it, but what can I expect from someone who is so miserable and lowly and weak and humiliating, embarrassing? I should never have done this, but, for you, I do this. You can trust me. I told you to trust me. Look at all these people who say they trust me. I pulled together all these different people who wrote me poems and cool stories just for you to read and learn that you have no real choice but to trust and love me, because I love you. You are the most important thing to me ever, more important than my own son, whom I killed for you.

Okay, look, don't get too hung up on the details of how he's my son. I've got four official versions, a bunch of letters about it, and a whole lot of other songs and guides about it. I wrote all of it, and there's so much of it, it's got to all be good stuff, since it's mine. What do you mean how do you know he is, in fact, my son? Listen up. If I tell you something is going to happen, it happens. If I tell you something has happened, it happened. If I tell you something, it is a fact and it is the truth. I just told you I don't lie, so by our premises, I wasn't lying about lying. I am incapable of it. You have no choice to believe anything else, because I will kill you for that. So, he is my son, and don't ask too many questions about how that's possible. All things are possible with me—Hey, I like that. Excuse me for a moment while I change something, since it'll sound better if he also says that in an official version. Which one, which one, though? Well, I guess it doesn't matter—hold on. Okay, done. See? Even my son, who chose to die, I love him, says I am capable of anything. So don't pressure me or push me or refuse me. I am capable of anything. No, that's not a threat. I never threaten anyone. I just tell it like it is, and you choose what undeniable reality will come to be. I believe in free will and being a gentleman. I'm giving you the choice. I'm just saying, actions have consequences.

Back to this stuff, here. Read this other thing I wrote for you to know how much I love you. See? Right there, I wrote that I loved you in the way where I killed my son for you. This is good stuff. Why don't you believe it? Read this other one. I don't want to be your ruler or lord; I want to be your lover and husband. Now, I know that when this was written, husbands weren't as a rule expected to be considerate, solicitous of consent, patient, and not rapists even though most of them were and it was totally fine at that time because the culture made it seem that was the only way, but think of the bigger picture and just read into it your modern notions of love. While I might have had in mind at that time that I was expressing the kind of affection a thing's owner feels for one of his really prized status-enhancing possessions, you're free to read into it something of the way you think about romantic love. Just not erotic love, because that's gross. You're a pathetic, disgusting, little piece of slimemuck—you are nothing in comparison to the infinite, unending multiverse. But for all that, I love the shit out of you.

You still don't believe me? Feel me out. I am more powerful than you. I was there when I made the constellations. I was there when I drowned the dead in the seas. I was there when I shut the mouth of the Leviathan. I was there when I let ostriches and badgers run loose in your ancestor's cities. I was there when I smothered the lives of all the poor and starving who just needed to die; better dead than fed, you'll see. I was there when people I chose to be the best and most loved of all people grabbed some little babies and split open their heads on jagged rocks, in my name. I watched it happen, and I approved. I am more powerful than you, and I let them do it because it was time for payback. I was there when those babies' parents went up against my chosen people and killed and raped a lot of them, and I let that happen to my chosen people because they deserved to have it happen to them, because I saw in their hearts how they looked at other people and envied. I saw their want for a better life, a life they wanted with other gods, other people, other ways of doing things. Unacceptable. Massacre, rape, and baby-killing is the only acceptable and prudent thing to do when you love people and they just refuse to love you back. I should know these things: I am the one who made it all this way. I am capable of anything, so don't test.

So, maybe you have your doubts. That's okay. I won't do anything you don't want to happen. I'll respect your consent. This is why I gave you free will, so you have a choice. Of course, you don't really have a choice, since you and I both know you're a horrible person doomed to punishment either way. It's easier this way if you just accept my lordship over you, accept that my son is dead in your place and you owe me for that, and you're going to do what I say to do and everything will be fine. Of course, I also reserve the right to destroy your life all around you and make it very awful and miserable, to reflect the kind of disease you are inside yourself, a disease I am going to rescue you from by applying to you my power to change things, but later, much later, after you're dead, and for now, I will take away lovely things in your life and give you shit in exchange. I am doing these things to test your faithfulness and fidelity to me, because this is what true love does. True love has to know for sure if someone will always be there, so it needs to test someone by beating them, hurting them, raping them, tearing them apart and rendering them spineless and incapable of doubting or wondering or imagining any kind of life different from the one I provide. Any love that isn't willing to be hard love is not love at all.

Just read my books. They're all about me. I wrote them, and you can totally trust me. I would never lie to you. I wrote that in one of my books. Here, this review should nail it for you. "His steadfast love endures forever." See? They love me. All the cool kids love me. All the special kids love me. You need to love me, too. Don't you want to love me, only me, or else?

If you don't or won't, then I'm through with you forever. Don't think you matter to me. You don't. I have killed millions of babies still in the wombs for things I just knew they were going to do, because, like I told you, they are bad from the beginning and sinners right to their core natures. I didn't give any of them nearly as much as this chance I'm giving you, since you're special to me, even though you and I both know that's the lie and you're worthless shit no one wants or needs. So if I am willing and able to put all of those damned babies in an endless lake of fire not for what they did but for who they are as conceived in sin and forever incapable of embracing me as their One True God, then nothing you do or say will compel me to change how I feel about you, you lying, worthless sack of living muck. You had better love me, because I am capable of anything.

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