Monday, January 13, 2014

The finite, the infinite

"So, when you watch the leaves turn colors one season and the flowers open up out of those little tiny buds another, you see life. Life is change and flowing, but it keeps the clocks in mind and gently tells us when."

"What does it say?"

"Oh, lots of things. How about you? What do you hear?"

"I hear the clocks. They are clicking a lot. I hear it go whrrr whrrr and then bang! Sometimes."

"Clocks can be loud."

"Are flowers loud?"

"I think so, but some people will laugh at me for that. I know you never laugh at Uncle Charles like that, but I fear the day they laugh at you that way."

"What do the flowers say?"

"Right now? Nothing but Come to me! Come to me! You want to go be nice to them and see?"

"Yes!"

"Ah, okay. Let me use this old body to stand. Hurff."

"You're doing that! Like this!"

"You mean with my arm? Haha, yes, I guess so."

"Why do old people do that? When I do it like they do, it hurts me. Does it hurt them?"

"Oh, all the time, little one, but we do it to help with the pain, not cause it."

"Oh! So what hurts? Can I help?"

"No, it's just beginning to be more of a reminder, but it's an old pain I've had. As long as I keep moving, it's okay. That's how you help me. You keep me moving. Especially my brains."

"Which flower is this?"

"This one is a clover's flower. It smells okay, I think."

"Which flower is this?"

"This one is a dandelion's flower. It's fun in the months when you can blow on it. Then it shows you patience is flying."

"Which flower is this?"

"I don't know what flower it is. But let's draw it on our paper to check later."

"Okay. You or me?"

"Why not both of us? This way, we have my version, and your version, and both show us something together."

"What if we're wrong?"

"Then we'll be young again and get out of our seats and go check it."

"Okay, but why can't I just pick it and take it?"

"That's a good question, pumpkin. A great question. Many people will take things if they can pluck them. They say it's for science or knowledge or better or storage. But really it's because they don't have good memories or good imaginations."

"Do I have good imaginations?"

"Can you imagine a laminated discus thrower?"

"What is that?"

"Haha, it takes practice to imagine very well, but you have a good start. In a few years, you will tell me what it is. I only have the foggiest clue."

"Pastor says the flowers are all made by God."

"Does he now? I suspect he has a really great imagination, then."

"Do you think God makes flowers?"

"Yes, I do. She makes all kinds of things, from flowers to row boats to little smart girls. It takes a whole lot of God to make just this tiny rock, so if you can imagine that, then imagine even more how much God it takes to make this hill, then imagine how much God it takes to make this world. And there are so many, many worlds. He will have to do a whole lot of much to make all those."

"Uncle! You're silly!"

"Silly? I must have dropped something."

"No, Uncle. God is a he."

"Oh? Who said?"

"My parents and pastor and Bell and Kennedy."

"Is that what you say?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because it just is!"

"Oh, right. Just is. Just like the flower is. Just like my back is. Just like you and me sitting here. Just is."

"Yes."

"Well, how do I know you're not God?"

"What! No, Uncle! You're so silly!"

"Just is. Just so. Just is so. So is justice so."

"Silly!"

"But how do I know? I know you are my pumpkin, but how do I know you're not God?"

"I'm not God."

"Okay, but who is, then?"

"God is. God is so very big and better and smart. God made the flowers."

"Maybe you are God, but you don't know. Who do I know that's not true?"

"Uncle. God can't be like you or me. God is good. We are sinners."

"Oh, so what is that word? What is sinners?"

"It's being bad. God isn't bad at all."

"Are we bad?"

"Yes. I'm very bad. I hurt my little brother. I am a sinner."

"You're awfully young to be a sinner, but it's never too late to start I always say."

"What does that mean?"

"It means it's never too early to stop. Who told you you are bad?"

"Mommy and daddy and pastor and Bell and Kennedy."

"Are they ever wrong?"

"Sometimes."

"Which times?"

"I don't know! All the time!"

"Haha, then how do you know you're bad?"

"I do. I hurt my little brother."

"Did you apologize? Did you stop?"

"I did but not all the time."

"Okay. I think that's okay. It takes practice to apologize. It takes practice to stop. You're new at this. Some people have their whole lives to practice but never do."

"I can get good at apologies?"

"Even better, you can get good at never having to apologize because you're such a good little pumpkin all the time."

"I want to."

"Then how do you know I'm wrong and you're not God? God wants to always be a good little pumpkin, too, you know."

"Uncle! I'm not God!"

"Oh. What about that one guy? What's his name? He's God."

"Jesus. Jesus is God."

"Yes, they say that. So if he is God, you can be God."

"No, he's Jesus."

"Yes, that's true. He is Jesus. You are you. But Jesus was little once, too. Right?"

"A little baby."

"And babies grow up just like you do, right?"

"Yes, they do."

"So maybe he was sitting there, just like you, looking at flowers, and didn't know it, just like you, that he was God."

"He was looking at these flowers?"

"God is always looking after the flowers. Just like you are learning to."

"Did Jesus know he was God?"

"Do you?"

"No?"

"Know?"

"What?"

"Haha, yes."

"Uncle!"

"Haha, I think Jesus wanted to be the best boy he could be when he grew up. But when he was a little pumpkin like you, he did just like you and learned all about how to be good and bad and how flowers grew. He probably let them alone like I showed you so he could watch them and learn how they grew. He had to learn, same as us, because that's what they say about him. Same as us."

"Same as us."

"Right. And if he's the same as us, and he's God, then maybe we're all God, and we're all little and trying to learn how to let things grow. And like us, he didn't know it. He figured it out."

"Am I figuring it out?"

"Are you? You tell me. Which of our pictures is better?"

"Uncle! You drew a purple blob. It doesn't even look like a flower."

"Hey! That's how I see it. I told you I have bad eyes is why I wear glasses."

"Do you think Mommy and Daddy know I'm God?"

"I think they love you so much, so very much, it's like you're precious to them and they can't tell the difference."

"I love you, too."

"I know you do, sweet little one. I love you, and I can't tell the difference."

"I can't feel God, though."

"I guess not. Maybe it's one of those things you have to practice at being. I've tried now for many years. I hope I'm as good at it in a few years as you are at it right now."

"Uncle, why did Jesus die?"

"They say he is the same as us. And we all die. So he dies just like we do, and we die just like him. Maybe we should work on that, so that not too many of us die like he did, but just die okay."

"Die okay?"

"Die okay. Die like the flowers do, or Mr. Peepers, or the ants. Die of old age. Die the right time. Die natural. Jesus died because people killed him because they hated him and he pissed them off."

"UNCLE!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, pumpkin! I just mean, he didn't have to die like that, none of us have to, but some of us are killed like that. That makes me cry a lot, your uncle."

"I don't want you to cry, uncle!"

"Then no killing people, okay?"

"Okay!"

"And no hurting brothers, any brothers?"

"Okay!"

"Okay, because you know they are all God. They don't know it. And hurting God hurts you hurts us."

"That's so weird."

"You drew a lovely flower. Is that the leaf same as right there?"

"I think so. Is it good?"

"I don't know, you tell me. You're God."

"Yes, it is good."

"Yes, just so, so justice is so."

"Uncle."

"Hmm?"

"You're silly."

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