Saturday, January 18, 2014

An Ontological Argument For the Existence of Kitten

"I just get, worried, about you. I come home with groceries in my arms and hear you in the shower crying. I have to put the bags down carefully, then get over here quickly."

"I know, I know. I'm sorry. I was just... I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

"No, no. I know. I too was just... It's okay, it's okay."

"No, but I was just thinking."

"I wanted to make sure you were okay, and you said it was because you didn't know where I was, and I thought you knew I was at the grocery store... "

"Yes, I know. I was just thinking, what if I had to go see you with no car? Who do I call to get me there? Who in my life comes even close to being there when I break down that way?"

"Oh god, dearest. Oh, sweet."

"So, I just started crying. So hard as ever I could."

"Oh, my love, oh stop. Here."

"I love you. I don't want to miss you."

"Dearest, stop. I love you."

"I know."

. . .

"Sometimes I think, you hear me. You hear me sing to you."

"Do you? If I heard you, how would I ever know the difference between words and the sing of dreams and fantasies?"

"... Mmm mmmhmmm. ..."

. . .

"So I just started crying."

"I was so scared, but I'm glad you're much better."

"You know I have a lot of heavy shit lifting going on. But I get through it with you."

"I know you do."

"So I started thinking about it. I have to ask the question in a different way, but the same question. Who in my life is close enough to me I can risk being this vulnerable with them? Who could really be there when I break into all those many pieces? Who put me back together again, the way you have?"

"..."

"Right. Right."

"So now you know how I feel about you."

"Oh, because you think, with this kind of love with someone, who could ever compare? Ned? laughs 'No, there's nobody who can compare.' And so you think to yourself it'll be a damn shame for all other men that they'll never even have the chance to hear the rejection."

"laughs"

"I mean, here's the way I see it. Tell me what you think. It's like this. I can try to imagine an idea of a woman, not a girl, a woman, a real fucking woman, a woman who fucks in a guiltless world of total symmetry equality, who is at least as great as you. I then compare the idea, the mere possible idea of a woman greater than you, to your really being here. Your being here, the very be-ing of here, this flesh that I can and do touch. stroking And do touch more. stroke And smell with my nose stroke and lean in for this stroke kiss."

"...mmmm..."

" And it is clear, to my mind and to my body, that being here is much greater than being an idea, and since you are here next to me, there is no idea at all capable of being greater than that. And since an idea as a logical thing, as a structure of being itself, comes before any flesh and skin and sensation stroke passing from you to me, because it determines logically and metaphysically how that flesh and skin exist, then there is no such being capable of being greater than you, right here, who exist."

"Yes."

"So there you have it. It is an ontological argument for the existence of Kitten, since your existence here in its greatness is far superior because far more real than any fantasy, any virtuality, any regulative idea, any other. So you don't just exist, you have to exist, you have to be the greatest one, the best possible one out of all the possibilities we can imagine. So not only must you exist, but this is the best out of all of the possible ones, since it is the one that does exist, the only best possible one out of all the possible ways a world can be."

"Yes."

"But even when I think of it is this way, then it becomes clear: there is only one world. There is only one way for the world to turn out. When the world is complete shit,we know automatically there's better worlds out there. We think "There's gotta be something better than this shit." And we start thinking about it, and there's all kinds of ideas suddenly in mind. A world with plumbing. A world without cops. A world where there's no backyards nor fences in disrepair. No fences at all. We know right there, 'Anything is better than this shit right here.' So then an idea in the mind of how it can be better can be conceived, and so we know immediately there is something greater than the world that is right here, and that there is no reason why it should be this shitty one. We have every reason to change it, change the world. Because there are better out there."

"eyes watching, sinful smiling, playful precocious woman"

"So when the world is complete shit, we have better ideas. When the world is filled with such intimacy and total failure of protection, where I am so loved and so held, I cannot conceive of any possible way it can be better. Even though we ain't got money, I'm so in love with you, honey, and tell me 'Everything is gone be alright.' I cannot conceive of anything better. And so, I know right there, that you do exist and you have to exist and you are the best possible anybody of all possible anyones. And you are right there."

"hugs"

And so it goes.

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